Death note weirdness
by Exploading albino potato
Summary: So the death note charecters  L, Light,Mias,Matsuda,BB,Melllo,Near, Matt   have to spend a week or so at random pepole houses and htey each have a partner...Pretty cracky somtimes. Probably some unintentional yaoi. And maybe some intentional. discontiued
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

They met at the greenrectangle warehouse. All ten of them. Light Yagami, L Lawliet, Mihale Keehl, Mail Jeevas, Nate River, Misa Amane, Ryuk, Rem, Touta Matsuda...but where was the last?

"Where could he be?" muttered L. "Maybe they had some trouble with the police.."

Suddenly as if on cue the doors of the dingy rectangular shaped warehouse (that unlike the yellowbox this warehouse was actually painted green and the builders ha not lied about it's color) opened.

"Sorry were late!" shouted a blonde girl (who's alias was Lion), a brunette (who alias was Color) and a black haired man with eyes of an unusual color of which I'm sure you can guess. Yes that's right they were strawberry red.

The brunette and the blonde were both girls in they're early teens. Lion's eyes were sea blue (although they frequently changed) and covered by silver rectangular glasses and Color had eyes of mystrious blackish brown.

"Is Near here yet?" asked Color. Her eyes darted around the room.

"Hey Naaaaatttteee!" she screamed, running towords the small pale boy crouched on the floor with a pile of dice, and glomped him. Small white cubes scattered everywhere Near's expression clearly showed that he was slightly concerned for her mental health.

"It's nice to see you too", The kid genius muttered awkwardly, patting her on the arm.

Color and Lion had to go get and Beyond Birthday,who had apparently escaped prison but was not far. Who would suspect two 13 year olds (my how appropriate) talking at the speed of...something that is very fast and fangirling and walking a cat, and listening to the death note theme song rather loudly, of any suspicious activity?

L was perched in a chair (the crappy grey fold up kind that auditoriums have) looking oddly at BB who currently...dancing?

"What is wrong with BB, Lion-Kun?"

"Oh...Uhhh" she turned to the serial killer next to her and said, "We umm...kinda fed him to much jam... And he got a sugar rush."

"YOU 'kind of fed him too much jam'" said Color said shaking her head.

"...so yeah I was in jail and I kept asking this guy if I could just get a jar of strawberry jam and he was like no, all prisoners get the same food, and I was like your such an asshole and I threw my food at him except then I was hungry. Also the dude's name was Billy Bagels so I really wanted to kill him but I couldn't..."

Then L got annoyed and bashed Beyond on the head with a desk lamp.


	2. Chapter 2

L was standing on his crappy auditorium chair and telling everybody the rules of they're...expiriment.

"Everybody will be assigned a death note fan's house to stay for a week and make observations...and you will have a partner that will be assigned by Color and Lion. And you can take one object with you." The sugar addict said in his usual monotone.

"So what the hell is the point of this?" asked Mello, dramatically biting his chocolate."

"The author of this fan-based story seeked to find cruel and torturous means of entertained and so decided to create this story." L explained to his ill-tempered successor "in other words Exploading albino potato got bored"

"Well let's assign partners now!" said color brightly.

"Can I be with Mello?" Matt chirped slinging his arm around the blonde's neck.

"Hmm...Lion thought...ye...No!

"Shit"

"Let's put...*whispers in color's ear*

"Yeah that'll be funny!" Color said aloud. "Mello your with Near"

"Damn you bitch! He yelled followed by several more curses and a large bite of his candy bar.

Here are the partners

Mello and Near

BB and L

Light and Ryuk (Mostly because there wasn't really a choice)

Misa and Rem

Matt and Matsuda (WTF they were the last two)

The items they choose are

Light: Hair gel (but he slips a pice of the death note into his pocket)

L: A bag of raw sugar

Mello: Gun

Near: 7,000 pice puzzle.

Misa: Makeup kit

Rem: A totally random umbrella (Color and Lion made her pick something even though se didn't want to)

Ryuk: An apple. (which BTW was gone pretty quickly)

Matt: DS

Matsuda: A unicorn (the unicorn wouldn't fit in the car so he had to choose a Nyan plush instead


	3. Chapter 3

When Mello and Near arrived at there house a teenage girl with round nerdy glasses and two long ponytails greeted them enthusiastically.

"Mello and Near! You guys are totally my favorite fan-couple! My names Madeline, By the way! You can call me Deali!"

She forced them into a group glomp and Mello struggled to get away from the marshmallow he was pushed up against.

"I'll show you where you guys to can stay!" she giggled.

Two beds in the guest room were identically made with creamy white sheets and pillows.

"Here you are!"

"I have to sleep in a room with HIM?" Mello's eyes glared at Near who was curling his hair around his pointer finger.

"Yes, you do!" She giggled again, very annoyingly.

Mello tossed his cloths into the drawer on his side if the bedroom. "Don't get any ideas, albino..."

Near looked confused. "About what?"

"We all know what goes on under than mound of wool on your head!"the blonde sneered

Near sighed. "I'm going to ignore you Mello"

"You'd better..."

It was night, and almost dinnertime so after they were done putting they're clothes away. They went down the hall and smelled somthing cooking.

"I'm making soup!" said Madeline "And doing my homework." She had a spoon in one hand and pencil in the other and uncooked noodles, garlic, chives, carrots, and zucchinis on one side of the stove, and some papers on the other."

"Great..." Said Near quietly.

Mello strode over to the cabinet liked he owned the place and began looking around for chocolate. He found some non-perails and began eating them.

"Were just about to have dinner!" Deali said alarmedly.

"This is my appetizer"

"Well the soup is ready now. So I'll serve it!"

The brunette set a bowl down in front of the three green placemats on the table and got spoons. Then she sat down next to them.

"My parents are out." She said, stirring the broth."So I don't have to worry about hideing you."

"Hiding us?" Mello frowned.

"Well...I didn't exactly tell them that you were coming...Some girl called saying her name was Color and randomly asked me if I liked death note. So I was like "hell yeah! And she was like "good your the 53ed person I called. Everyone else just hung up, didn't answere, got creeped out, or didn't have a clue what death note was. One person thought I was a therapist advertising for help with suicide" well thats what she said. "And so yeah that's how I got into this"

Then Mello tried a bite of his soup, and spat it back in the bowl. "This is disgusting!" he yelled.

"Most food is disgusting when you have chocolate for an appetizer!"

"Thank you for your effort in making us supper." Near said in an emotionless tone, taking a bite of the wretched mixture.

"So..." Deali started, attempting to make conversation "Do you guys like lemon?" *wink wink*

"I had theese lemon cream chocolates Matt gave me once and they were REALLY good and yeah chocolate is basically the best substance on the face of the earth. Chocolate and Lemon go pretty good together.

Near turned to Mello, his cheeks bearing a little more color than usual. "I don't think she was talking about the fruit Mello"

There was about to be an awkward silence, but Deali interrupted it...

"Chocolate and Lemon are so sexy together in those dirty fanfictions with you guys"

...And the awkward not-silence wasn't really much better.

This was going to be a long week for Mello and Near.


	4. Chapter 4

L and BB arrive at a dingy looking house with peeling grey paint. B rings the doorbell. And nobody answers. So he pushes the doorbell multiple times.

"Maybe she's deceased or unconscious." L suggested.

"I could bust down the door or sneak in the widow..." Beyond said helpfully.

"Coming!" shouted a voice. Then some tripping was herd and several "ouches" and "damns"

"Hi are you two the guys I was expecting?".

"Most likely" said L

The woman who opened the door was wearing jeans and a ragged T-shirt that's slogan was now illegible. Her greying brown hair was tied up in a messy bun. She hastily shoved aside trash bags blocking the door and made a path for the two look-a-likes.

At first they thought that they had stepped into a trash dump. The living room was not very livable, with boxes and bags everywhere with seemingly useless objects such as news papers, towels, chicken bones, sardine cans, framed pictures, photographs, chipped vases, broken china, half a Ouija board, two cat beds with the stuffing falling out, a pair of overalls hanging from a rope suspend by two nails at the top of the walls, and a jar of really old, moldy, dried up strawberry jam.

L and BB just stared.

"Oh sorry it's been a little cluttered around here...I'm Sandy" she extended her hand for them to shake.

"That's a bit of an understatement..." L muttered but Sandy didn't hear"

"Are you guys twins?" she asked

"Ummm...maybe..." said the detective. He turned to B who was looking around the room with his blood red eyes wide, darting around into every corner. He looked a little sick.

"You ok?" L whispered.

Beyond didn't answer. But just gave his mirror image a horrified eyebrows raised glance.

"Uhhh...let's see...I think there's some beds in that room..." Sandy pointed.

"Gr-great muttered Beyond, stumbling over an iron birdcage.

B slammed the door behind him and shook his head.

"This place is absolutely disgusting"

"I didn't think you would be so bothered by that."

"Well it's gross!

"And smashing peoples eyes on the ground isn't?"

"I only did that once! And it's not like I'm keeping a collection of eyeballs!"

"Where the hell are the beds..." L said, thoughtfully biting his thumb.

"Maybe...here's one" B cleared a pair of vintage dresses a single sneaker, a beaded lion statue and four trash can lids off of an old wooden bed and sat down. The other bed turned out to be a mattress on a bed frame with two of the legs missing so L put a locked trunk under the end to support it. L also found a sleeping bag with a thin layer of dirt on the outside. Reaching his pale hand inside he withdrew a dead mouse that looked as though it had been freeze dried.

They just left they're bags cloths on their beds to avoid losing them in the hoarder ladies pit of trash.

Beyond was quite obsessive about sorting everything out and making an attempt to clean it, while L sat on his bed reading a random book he had found on the floor and sticking his fingers into his bag of sugar he brought and licking them off.

Beyond suddenly got up from a box of clothing and other articles he was going through and walked over to the door.

"Where are you going?" L asked.

"To the bathroom."

"Will you hang yourself by the shower curtain?"

"No"

"Drown yourself in the tub?"

"Take pills you found in the cabinet?"

"I wouldn't put anything from this house in my mouth!"

"Find another box of matches?"

"How should I know?"

"Yeah I just don't want you to have any more incidents with them"

"I'm not even feeling depressed! and I could whack you on the head with lamp so you'd pass out and stop being annoying" He picked up the nearest light.

"Whacking people on the head with lamps is my job, and I still think your depressed."

"If you hate me than why do you care?" The ruby eyed one inquired.

"...You know what, just go and if you aren't back in 7 minutes 41 seconds than I will assume your dead."

"Fine"

30 minutes pass and L realized he had forgotten about his impersonator so he loped down the hall in his usual position.

"B" He called through the door in a monotone (I'm not actually sure how you do that, but L did"

"What is it?" Beyond responded.

"What are you doing?"

"...nothing"

L turned the handle on the door and saw B somehow maneuvering himself on the top of the medicine cabinet, bending over in a seemingly impossible position and scrubbing the ceiling with a sponge.

And L was just like...0-0 WTF?

"I'm CLEANING" BB said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world."

"..."

"I happened to notice the amount if filth in this room so I'm in the process of

sanitizing it."

"Why? Are you really that concerned about it!" The onyx eyed one inquired.

"It's DIR-TY! I absolutely cannot stand dirty bathrooms! Or any other rooms!"

"You got a bathroom dirty with blood and you never cleaned it."

"Yeah but I cleaned the rest of the house so that should make up for it."

"Suit yourself" L shrugged as Beyond balanced on the sink counter and unscrewed the light bulb, and then proceeded to wipe out the socket.


	5. Chapter 5

Light and Misa arrive at a white house with olive green shutters. After Light rings the doorbell a guy dressed in black with a wizards hat on opens the door. He was in his mid twenties, with brown hair and rectangular glasses.

"Hi! nice hat!" giggles Misa, waving.

"...Hi." says Light.

"Hello, I'm Lord Zark! But just call me Zark."

"I'm Light"

"I'm Misa, I'm Light's girlfriend!"

Inside the house there were candles lit on the walls and the living room is painted crimson. There were tall bookshelves with Harry potter, Lord of the rings, and various witchcraft books on them and claw-foot furniture. On the coffee table in the middle if the room sat a crystal ball.

"Welcome to my castle!" The guy said. "Well it's really just a house, but medieval times and witchcraft greatly. Do you believe in magic?" he inquired.

"Not much..." Replied Light

"Except for notebooks that k-" Misa started but Light covered her mouth with his hand.

They're rooms were separate decorated similarly but then Misa said she could just sleep with Light, Which annoyed him but what could he expect from his obsessive, childish girlfriend?

After they put all they're stuff away Zark (and Light was pretty sure that was a made up name) asked if they wanted to use a Ouija board. Misa seemed excited Light thought it sounded stupid but what else was there to do for the week?

"OK who wants to ask the question?" Zark inquired.

"I can!" said Misa.

"Ok."

"Will Light get killed because he is Kira?"

"O.M.G MISA IS SO FREAKING STUPID!" Light thought. He said nothing, figuring the smartest thing to do would be to act as if it was a joke.

Light eyed the planchette with everyones fingers on it as it slid over to "Yes"

"Ha. I think this thing is broken" said Light.

"Well maybe we weren't focusing hard enough" Zark suggested. "You try a question Light"

"Uhh...If you eat cake for every single meal of every single day as well as snacks than will you die of diabetes?"

"You plan on doing that Light?" The wizard man asked.

"No but I have a friend who does that."

The planchette glided over to "NO"

"Well it's good thing your friend won't die" said Zark.

"Yeah..." This Ouija board was really starting to get on brunette nerves

"Will I be able to Find a unicorn?" Asked Zark.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

They went on with more pointless questions like that until Zark went to make dinner. Light tried to read a Harry Potter book; it usually would have probably only taken him an hour but it was in English, so he had to translate.

Light was pretty sure this would be a very weird week.


	6. Chapter 6

Whoa really late update my apologies. Also I made a dumb mistake of saying Ryuk and light would be together but it's actually Ryuk and Rem.

Matt and Matsuda are sitting in the living room of the apartment a girl with obviously dyed blonde hair in a miniskirt. She was making tea. She looked about twenty.

"So you guys are just gonna stay here for a week and...Then leave and report what happened?" she inquired.

"Yep." said Matt

"Do you like unicorns?" said Matsuda.

"They're cute!"

"I was gonna bring one but it wouldn't fit in my bag."

"Well I don't have a stable for it. Or food."

"I heard unicorns eat gumdrops and cookies."

Matt is very annoyed that he got stuck with this idiot instead of Mello. He DID feel kind of bad for Near though. He wondered if the poor 17 year old toddler would even be alive at the end of the week.

They had to share a room because the lady (who's name was by the way miss Daniella Petal, and they called her Daniella)

So In they're room Matsuda found an old tea set under the bed and decides to have a tea party with his Nyan cat plushie.

Matt just sat on the bed playing the game that he had beaten sic times already but was still trying to get a new high score.

Then he notices Matsuda.

"What the heck, your. Grown man and you're having a tea party with a cat that poops rainbows?"

"Don't insult the magic of the Nyan."

"I didn't insult the *finger quotes* "magic of the Nyan." I insulted you!"

Matsuda sticks his tongue out and throws the cat at Matt.

So Matt pokes Nyan cat with his DS stylus.

Matsuda snatches the toy back and throws the teacup at Matt. The redhead jumps down from his bed and grabs the stuffed poptart cat and whacked the TF guy with it. Matsuda tried to grab it back but ended up just jumping on Matt. They then realized how stupid they were being and Matt went on Daniella's computer and used his expert hacking skills to find out where Mello was, and the phone number of the house. So he called him

Matt: Hi Mells

Mello: Yo. How'd u get Madeline's number?

Matt: Hacking. It really doesn't matter though.

Mello: What's up with u?

Matt: Ehh just some crazy MxMxN

Mello:? Wait WHAT?

Matt: MattxMatsudaxNyancat

Mello:...?

Matt: Don't worry, we were just wrestling.

Mello: ...Kay...good.

Matt: What happened with u?

Mello: I dumped a bowl of soup on Near's head. The damn bitch I'm stating with thinks we're dating! She also made us sleep in the same room! That asshole!

Matt: It's not fair I was almost with you!

Mello: grrrrrrrr...I hate Lion-kun!

Sooo...'d u guys want any fancouples! There will be one-sided RxR in the next chapter. Review!

Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive


	7. Chapter 7

Discontinuation

I was thinking of discontinuing this story because it's stupid and not going anywhere. It's also not getting updated by me because I am lazy and have been focusing on chocolateisnot4cats more.

Sorry, but I sux

EAP


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